I was always a daddy’s girl. Being the first born of five children, I was extremely close to both of my parents. That had its moments. They ushered me into this world and I ushered each of them out.

Dad came to the United States from Ireland in his mid-twenties. He ultimately married my mother, his first love, after a decade of courtship. Those were the real days of “Mad Men”, when the culture was especially sexist and much more formal than it is now. Dad had lost his own father when he was eleven and spent much of his time with nannies or in boarding school. He relished being a father and, later in life, becoming a grandfather.

In many ways my dad was ahead of his time. He was very hands-on, especially when we were babies. My mother had many health challenges over the years, so by necessity, in addition to night school and a full-time job, he did a lot of things that stay-at-home dads do now. He was very comfortable with my mother breastfeeding all of us in a culture that did not support that as normal. His positive attitude toward women being empowered by their bodies and being educated and treated as equals set him apart from many men of his generation.

Brazil is playing this Father’s Day in the World Cup. My dad was so passionate about football and made us fans long before soccer moms and dads became a demographic. Growing up we went to all the matches of the Cosmos with Pelé. He would be thrilled to see the US holding their own and with a great shot to move on to the round of 16. More so to see his eldest daughter such a rabid fan!

My dad Art was very friendly and was a consummate broker. Passion and playfulness were his secret weapons. He had tons of energy for things he believed in and enjoyed. He encouraged me and my siblings to pursue our dreams with the same gusto and urged each of us to make our avocations into our life’s work.

Taking this advice to heart, I have blended all of my life learning and fashioned a new model of conscious breastfeeding. It is my joy to empower mothers and families through an optimized experience of breastfeeding which fits their modern lifestyle.

Thanks to you dad I am a passionate advocate for women. Even if I won the Lotto, I would always keep this passion alive a la your example.

Had an interesting call this week from a dad.  He wondered what were the chances of relactating at 7 weeks? 

And no, before you go there, it wasn’t a crank trying to get a rise out of this passionate lactation advocate.  This call was legitimate.  He was a friend of a father in my practice who had encouraged him to reach out to me across state lines to sort out his dilemma.

He called me to suss out the situation and shared a very sad, but typical scenario.  His wife, had been buffeted on the seas of lactation support with inconsistent advice, emphasis on pumping and after two weeks was summarily dismissed and told to bottle-feed.  For approximately 6 weeks now his son has been bottle-fed formula.

In general, I always prefer to speak directly with the mother.  However, his voicemail touched a heart string as he confessed that he was calling without having yet broached this subject with his wife.  He was genuinely concerned and felt badly that they were missing out on breastfeeding because of the questionable support and consultation they had received in the early weeks.  

The reason for the abrupt weaning was the usual  ”Not Enough Milk”.  This was determined, of course, by his wife’s inability to pump enough to bottle-feed after the delivery.   More bottles and pumping led to formula and weaning.  The reason it was bothering him so much was that he noticed her leaking tons of milk a few days ago.  He didn’t understand why she didn’t just offer the breast to their son as clearly there was milk.

This dad was walking on egg shells. He was the support team during the initial battles and was now fearful of incurring her wrath by bringing up the notion of trying it again.   

I can empathize.  I’m often called in for these kind of situations and find the solution is not as simple as merely choosing between offering the breast or a bottle filled with human milk or formula.  The weeks of reinforcing a behavior other than breastfeeding and living a bottle-feeding lifestyle with their new baby could make the transition difficult on many levels.  

 I complimented this dad on his thoughtful and loving inquiry.  My suggestions were simple:

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1.  He could now share honestly some of his impressions about that stressful time with his wife.  Sharing empathy without the stress and pressure biting at their heels.

2.  He could share some of his conversation with his friend that led him to call me.  It would be helpful to emphasize that these situations are usually not truly black and white, but rather if she were empowered and given consistent support much would be possible.

3.  He could gently suggest that she offer their son the breast without worrying now if she had enough. Without pressuring her, he could point out it would be a shame if what she was still producing for their son would ultimately go to waste.

4.  He could share what he intuitively knew, and I corroborated, that milk supply is not increased by the pump, but rather by the baby breastfeeding.  Any amount of breastfeeding would greatly increase the odds of them being able to shift the balance of feeds away from the bottle and back to the breast.

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5.  He could continue to offer his love and support reassuring her that it was ultimately her decision.  Sometimes knowing that it is a real team effort can make these transitions seem more possible.

Breastfeeding is a relationship and is relational.    It is the mother who ultimately breastfeeds and chooses whether or not she will continue or resume if there have been challenges.  However, her choices do indeed have an impact on everyone in her inner circle.  Breastfeeding does not exist in a vacuum and is very much a family affair.

How many of us sisters, moms, friends, partners, spouses, and  even lactation consultants, can identify with this dad? Have you ever been afraid to further encourage or advise a mom who had been beaten down and had weaned because of a negative experience with breastfeeding ?

Have you ever felt like you were walking on egg shells?  And what did you do?

Pumping for some women is their idea of Breastfeeding.  Are you all Pumped Up?

Symptoms include, but are not limited to the following: 

• You Breastfeed and pump after almost all feedings
• You wake up in the middle of the night to pump
• Your are pumping weeks worth of extra milk, just in case
• You “power pump” if you get less milk out than usual in order to increase your supply
• You pump whenever you feel something is wrong with your breasts
• You pump to “empty” your breasts

I field inquiries in all my venues about pump management.  Mothers have been sold on the idea that the pump tells the whole story about their Breastfeeding.  They worry when they can’t extract the same amounts as their friends or in volumes that compete with ready-made formula bottles. 

Those women who do obtain copious amounts of milk when they pump will often have issues in their breasts while breastfeeding.  They tend to be out of sync with the baby and often contend with excessive leaking and engorgement.  Some will report having had Mastitis which was the result of inadequate drainage from only pumping or mixing pumping with direct, but inconsistent patterns of Breastfeeding.

Pumping can actually compound any problem brewing in the breasts.  Women who have sore nipples and engorgement are often advised to pump, rather than to correct the latch.  Congestion can build up and if not relieved the mother will spike a temperature leading to a course of antibiotic therapy.  Whenever, the health of the breast has been compromised it is essential to use the baby and not the pump to solve the problem.

Of course there is a time and place for Pumping…

• Premature Delivery
• Illness of mother or issues with the baby or babies that require a delay or interruption of direct breastfeeding
• To obtain human milk if supplements are medically indicated
• Returning to Work outside the home

Other reasons cited, may include:

•  Mom needs a break from breastfeeding
• Dad/partner wants to participate in feedings
• To know how much the baby is getting at feedings

Since the mother is the only one pumping and Breastfeeding, it is not exactly a vacation.  Pumping will increase her workload and can create additional anxiety as her milk output can vary greatly depending upon when she pumps.  The mother who feels overwhelmed and worried about her milk supply may begin supplementing and make decisions that lead to early weaning. 

If you are pumping or have pumped what has been your experience?  Are you all pumped up?…or more aptly all pumped out?  I invite your comments and concerns related to pumping.