…Contemplating the Core Elements of a Modern Breastfeeding Lifestyle

It has been many years since I first donned this button from the Florida Lactation Consultant Association (FLCA).  I found it doing the August Cleanup suggested by Dr. Jeanette Cates on her blog.

I wore it on my lab coat while I was the first lactation consultant at a major NYC hospital.  It was a conversation starter.  People were intrigued and wondered what it meant.  The nurses thought it was a great button for me to wear as the representative of breastfeeding on our maternity unit.

I have to laugh as its message was unclear to anyone who was unfamiliar with my passion for breastfeeding promotion and support.  One day on the elevator a man asked me, “Are you a vegetarian?” His companion chimed in, “Are you Hindu?”   My Irish eyes were smiling as I explained to them the meaning of my button.  “Human babies should not drink cow’s milk which is for cow’s.  They should be breastfed by their mothers.”

Believe it or not, not long after that comical incident, I was called into the office of the Director of Maternal Child Health.  She told me that I was offending formula feeding families with my FLCA pin and demanded that I should remove it from my lapel.  I explained  its purpose in detail, but my protests fell upon deaf ears.

It should be of no great surprise that I resigned soon after that encounter to go into a full time private lactation consulting practice.  I figured I would be better able to help new moms and breastfeeding families on the “outside”.

To still keep a foot in the system, I  moved to another hospital to teach all their prenatal breastfeeding classes.   I felt that empowering mothers with information before birth, one of the Ten Steps, would be the best way to set them up for success.

What continues to distress me after all these years is that there still seems to be a need. here in NYC, to temper the endorsement of breastfeeding when dealing with the consumers of maternity hospital services.

You’ve come a long way baby or NOT?

Is this an only in New York phenomena?  Or have you also received  mixed messages about breastfeeding in the hospital or from members of your health care team?

Can you share what approaches helped or hindered you as you began your journey as a breastfeeding mother?

Today is the 8′th anniversary of losing my mother, Margaret.

A part of my mom is literally nestled in the Red Rocks of Sedona on the hillside near this famous church designed by Frank Lloyd Wright .

We had spent a magical weekend near here attending a breastfeeding conference in late July 2002. Three weeks later she would be dead.

Mom was my breastfeeding role model and had inspired my passion for helping mothers that led me to become a lactation consultant. She was very proud of having breastfed five children without any support save for the encouragement of my father.

Our last trip to Sedona  had come during a difficult time for mom. She had made the very painful decision to put my father in the assisted living facility that they had agreed upon when she was no longer able to care for him by herself.  Without him as her co-pilot, she had not ventured far from home for several months.   She was having health challenges of her own, but remarked on how liberated she felt to be on the road again.

We were like an inter-generational Thelma and Louise.  Indeed, mom drove us at a fast and furious clip from their home outside Phoenix to Sedona as if she knew her days were numbered.  During that road trip we had a ton of fun and I was able to thank her for being my mother.

Three weeks later, I would be flying back to Arizona to be with her as she left this world. It was a very profound experience that lingers with me to this day.  Both of us were nurses, and now it was my turn to take care of her. Incredibly, as she prepared to let go of this life, she told me to write my book and carry on my work.  I laughed saying, “From your lips to God’s ears.”

Somehow the gift of that quality time together in those last weeks has sustained me all these years. I did go on to write my book and have continued as a passionate advocate for breastfeeding mothers.

Breastfeeding was the alpha and omega of our mother-daughter connection.  It fostered an even deeper closeness between us as adult women coming full circle in those final moments of her life.

Thank you for breastfeeding me mom…that bond endures in my heart to this day.

I was gifted this book by a mother in my lactation consulting practice.

You would have to be under a rock to miss that the long awaited movie rendition of Elizabeth Gilbert’s moving memoir Eat, Pray, Love opens today in theaters throughout the States.  Her yearlong journey of healing and self-discovery has touched the heart strings of millions of readers the world over.

Some will call it a “chick flick”, but it is really a love story that invites us all to live our lives with authenticity.  Elizabeth’s narrative spoke to the fundamentals of what binds us all together as human beings: food, connection with spirit and love.  Now the vicarious and passion-filled travelogue that was so transformational for her is about to come to life on the big screen.

Although different in form, this is quite similar in substance to the symbolic journey taken by a new mother.  Buffeted by a flood of hormones, her body and psyche will expand while she eats for two and contemplates the new life growing within her body.  During that first year of pregnancy and breastfeeding she will navigate tremendous changes in her self-image and identity.  She moves from morning sickness through the energized passionate appetite for life of the second trimester.  Finally toward the end of the 9′th month, this morphs into a cocooning phase which will extend through early breastfeeding.  She has prepared throughout this entire period to be fully present for meeting and embracing her new love…her beautiful baby.

In the zen stillness of a breastfeeding moment, a baby is nurtured and much love is shared.

Breastfeeding is Eat, Pray, Love.

Every breastfeeding mother has a story.  What is yours?

Breastfeeding Awareness Month 2010 has found its way into the news cycle.

The media and many blogs have taken up the mantle to feature breastfeeding on a regular basis throughout this month.  Sadly, their focus has not been on the theme of  promoting, protecting and supporting it through the Ten Steps.

Controversy turns out  far more sexy content.  Supermodel Gisele Bundchen’s comment that there should be a law that mothers breastfeed for 6 months, like her, most definitely has long legs.

Not to be left out of the mix, Bethenny Frankel, the reality tv personality from Bethenny Gets Married, has now added her two cents to the fray.  She has apparently told US weekly,  “It’s the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard.”   A breastfeeding mother herself, she added this politically correct disclaimer.  “Breastfeeding is one of the most rewarding experiences, but it isn’t for everyone.”

Ironically, The Dish Rag blog used these two women as examples of why it takes money and a staff to breastfeed.  How ridiculous.  One of its selling points is that breastfeeding is much less expensive.   Gisele and Bethenny may live in a more luxurious fashion but that has little to do with their being able to breastfeed.   The dish rag author has chosen to ignore the very real cost of not breastfeeding.

A dad in my prenatal breastfeeding class had taken notice of all the buzz around this topic.  He felt that most of the furor was being voiced by those who had challenges with breastfeeding, or those who had chosen not to breastfeed.  He shared that he thought it was just a personal opinion and one most likely taken out of context for effect.  He didn’t really get all the fuss.

I tend to agree with him.  Gisele and Bethenny are both in the public eye.  They are both vocal new mothers who represent aspects of a modern breastfeeding experience.

We need to focus less on the semantics.  Rather than “milking” such a trumped up controversy to get  negative attention, we  need to be facilitating breastfeeding success.  That’s a model that should be copied!

What do you think?

Bethenny Frankel, from the reality show Bethenny Gets Married, rationalizes the supposed luxury of having a baby nurse in the video clip included in yesterday’s post, “Breastfeeding on Reality TV“.

This notion of hiring a baby nurse aka “infant care specialist” so that there will be less work for the mother is not a new one. Indeed, it is viewed in some social circles as a necessity to make the transition to motherhood.  It has been a prevailing message directed toward affluent new parents in New York City throughout my professional life as a registered nurse and lactation consultant.

The article by Marie Brenner in New York Magazine, October 4, 1982 “Less Work for Mother” is a social commentary in and of itself.  It is worth a quick read to see how our world has changed over these past 28 years.

It is interesting to note that now, more than a quarter of a century later, the majority of  baby nurses welcomed into the homes of  New York City mothers are no longer Irish or European, but  hail mainly from the Caribbean or Philippine’s.  They own the niche.  These women are usually not medical professionals.  They bring to each assignment a knowledge base gleaned from their own life experiences as mothers and/or the on-the-job training they received while in the employ of various families over the years.

Lactation consulting has been a stand alone profession for exactly 25 years.  Initially many of the baby nurses were threatened by these breastfeeding experts entering the picture.  LC’s would come in for short visits and rock the boat.  Accustomed to being completely in charge of the care and feeding of their infant charges, this emphasis on breastfeeding made it seem as though the services of the baby nurse were not really needed.  (A sentiment that Bethenny voiced at one point in her interview.)

It is interesting to note how these two specialties have learned to co-exist during my tenure as a lactation consultant.   The growing trend by many LC’s  to encourage frequent pumping and a greater emphasis on measuring volume of intake has been embraced by the baby nurses.  They dutifully assist the mothers with pumping and urge that supplements be given to “satisfy” their babies when they are the least bit unsettled after a breastfeeding session.  On average, one or two direct feedings per day are skipped so that the baby nurse can give a relief bottle and the mothers can sleep.

The net result for these mothers who are pumping and breastfeeding much of the day is a feeling of being a milking machine.   There is little time to really relax and bond with their babies.

There must be a better way to manage this resource, or as Bethenny puts it, the luxury of having a nurse.   What do you think?

To be continued…